Your 12 Most Embarrassing Beauty Questions -- Answered
1. What causes foot odor?
The fix: Since dry feet equals odor-free feet, wear absorbent cotton socks with shoes made from breathable materials, like canvas and leather, and sprinkle Zeasorb - an over-the-counter drying powder - into your shoes every morning. Three nights a week, pour a pot of tea made with several regular (not herbal) tea bags into a basin, then soak your feet for five to 10 minutes. The tannic acid in tea temporarily inhibits sweat production. See your doctor if your feet are also red, swollen or scaly to make sure a bacterial or fungal infection isn't causing the smell.
2. Why does my breath smell despite constant brushing?
Although brushing will help prevent cavities (so don't stop scrubbing), it can only mask bad breath, since the problem really lies within your throat and tongue, not your teeth. When the bacteria in your mouth lose access to oxygen (which can happen when you use alcohol-based mouthwashes, take certain prescription medications for depression or high blood pressure or simply sit with your mouth shut for a long time), they emit smelly sulfur compounds, says Harold Katz, D.D.S., founder of The California Breath Clinic in Los Angeles; this is the same principle at work with foot odor. Eating garlic and onion also makes your breath stink because they contain - surprise - those same sulfur compounds.
The fix: Contrary to popular belief, a tongue scraper won't banish bad breath - sulfur compounds cannot be removed manually. Instead, keep your mouth oxygenated by drinking water throughout the day and using an over-the-counter oral rinse with chlorine dioxide in both the A.M. and the P.M. to neutralize sulfur compounds. (Try TheraBreath Oral Rinse.) Chewing on oxygen-rich vegetables, like parsley and celery, can also diminish odors. If these tricks don't work, see your dentist.
3. I've started to sweat through my blouses. Should I be worried?
Most likely there's nothing to fear, says Joseph L. Jorizzo, M.D., chairperson of dermatology at Wake Forest University School of Medicine in Winston-Salem, NC. You probably just have a benign, hereditary tendency toward excessive sweating that can crop up at any age. But see your doctor to rule out an overactive thyroid, a low blood-sugar level and a number of other problems that can cause continual heavy sweating.
The fix: Before bed, towel-dry your armpits and apply the prescription antiperspirant solution Drysol (it contains a higher percentage of aluminum chloride - a drying agent - than regular deodorants do). Wash the solution off in the A.M. and don't reapply any deodorant. Repeat nightly. Still not satisfied? Ask your doctor about Botox injections - one treatment ($800 to $1,500) can paralyze sweat glands for six months to a year.
4. Every time I shave, I get a bumpy rash along my bikini line -- what's causing it?
A too-close shave or waxing can make hairs split and loop around just under the surface of the skin. As these off-kilter hairs grow, they push up against your skin, causing inflammation and redness, says Lawrence Moy, M.D., chief of dermatology at Harbor-UCLA Medical Center.
The fix: Put down your loofah; dermatologists now agree that rubbing the bumps to free trapped hairs will only make the problem worse. Instead, apply an OTC acetylsalicylic acid (a.k.a. aspirin) solution twice a day for two to seven days to gently exfoliate the top layer of your skin. (Try Soft Cell.) Once you shed this layer, the looped hairs will be able to poke through. A cortisone injection, administered by your dermatologist, will decrease inflammation in bigger bumps. If ingrown hairs are a persistent problem, you may want to consider laser treatment, which damages the hair follicles and prevents hair growth. You'll need about three treatments (each around $350) followed by a touch-up every six months to a year.
5. I've heard that spider veins are hereditary. My mom doesn't have them, so why do I?
Genetics isn't the only cause of these unsightly blue veins. Pregnancy and trauma to the leg (like bumping into something) can bring them on, says Esta Kronberg, M.D., a Houston, TX, dermatologist.
The fix: Though vitamin K cream has been touted by some as the next big thing in spider-vein treatment (possibly because of its ability to constrict blood vessels, which supposedly makes veins less visible), there's no way the molecules in the cream can penetrate the skin on your legs and be absorbed into your veins, says Jorizzo. The best option - with 95 percent of patients seeing improvement after one to three treatments (up to $300 per treatment, per leg) -- is still sclerotherapy, tiny injections of saline solution, which irritates veins and causes them to swell shut.
6. Are the bumps on my butt and on the backs of my arms pimples?
No. They're actually called keratosis pilaris - the cause is unknown, but some claim that it's a hereditary condition.
The fix: You can soften and help slough off bumps by rubbing them with a mixture of equal parts petroleum jelly and either water or cold cream. If that doesn't work, prescription Retin-A probably will, but it can irritate the surrounding skin. A better alternative: prescription LactiCare-HC Lotion 2 1/2%, which contains lactic acid to dissolve dead skin cells and hydrocortisone to soothe any acid-induced irritation. Rub lotion onto bumps twice a day until they clear up.
7. What's causing my toenail fungus?
Toenail fungus is actually athlete's foot (often picked up from shared showers or borrowed shoes) that has spread into your toenails.
The fix: The most effective treatment is a prescription antifungal pill like Lamisil or Sporanox, but be warned: These treatments are only 70 to 80 percent effective at best, and even when they work it takes nearly a year and a half for the toenail to fully grow out, says Day. Prevent a recurrence by wearing shower slippers every time you rinse off at the gym and by not borrowing shoes.
8. Why do my teeth look so dingy?
Smoking and excessive consumption of dark beverages (like coffee, tea, soda and red wine) are the main causes of stained teeth, says Lana Rozenberg, D.D.S., founder of the Rozenberg Dental Day Spa in New York City.
The fix: As with clothing stains, the longer discolorations remain on your teeth, the harder they are to remove - so keep up those twice-a-year dental visits. You can lighten your teeth several shades with a whitening toothpaste that contains carbamide peroxide, but use it only once a day to avoid drying out gum tissue. (Try Rembrandt Plus with Peroxide toothpaste.) Floss treated with the whitening agent silica has also been proven to polish away stains, which often form between teeth. (Try Johnson & Johnson Reach Whitening Floss.) For more dramatic results, your dentist can bleach your teeth up to eight shades brighter with a highly concentrated peroxide gel administered via laser ($800 to $1,500) or in a custom-fitted mouthpiece ($600 to $1,000) that you wear an hour a day for about 10 days, says Rozenberg. (Though drugstore bleaching kits are much less expensive, they aren't quite as effective -- the gel isn't as strong, and since the mouthpieces aren't created specifically for you, the gel can drip out of them and inflame your gums.)
9. Why do I have stretch marks?
You may suspect that the marks on your tummy, thighs or hips were caused by pregnancy or significant weight fluctuations. What you may not know, though, is that hormonal changes that occur during normal growth spurts can also cause your skin to stretch and scar, says Lawrence Moy, M.D. Red marks appear when your skin stretches and thins so much that you can see your blood flowing through the skin's thinned outer layers, says Joseph L. Jorizzo, M.D., When your skin stretches minimally or the stretched skin is thick, white marks result.
The fix: No treatment is guaranteed to remove stretch marks, but you can make them less noticeable. Try twice-daily applications of OTC Striae Stretch Mark Creme - several studies have confirmed that it can reduce red or white marks in about four weeks. Or ask your doctor about laser therapy ($450 to $700 per treatment), which can tone down the brightness of recently acquired red marks, or microdermabrasion ($50 to $150 per session), which can diminish the appearance of white marks.
10. Could there be a serious underlying cause for excess facial hair?
If you fight your follicles on a daily basis or sprout lots of hairs on your chin, see your doctor. Polycystic ovarian syndrome (a disorder characterized by high levels of male hormones) or an adrenal gland problem could be to blame. If you're moderately hairy (you tidy up your brows or upper-lip area once a month), you've probably just got your genes to thank.
The fix: Vaniqa - a new, odorless prescription cream- has recently been approved by the FDA to decrease light to heavy hair growth anywhere on the face ($50 for a two-month supply). Though it doesn't yield immediate results (you'll need to keep using your regular hair-removal methods at first), the cream blocks one of the enzymes responsible for hair growth, gradually slowing it down as long as you continue to use it, says Ken Washenik, M.D., director of dermatopharmacology at New York University School of Medicine. For those who don't respond to Vaniqa, six laser hair treatments ($150 each) can significantly decrease hair growth for months. A monthly electrolysis session for up to a year ($60 to $100 each) can remove hair permanently.
11. Why is my face so shiny?
If you are also losing hair and have stopped getting your period, a hormonal imbalance could be the culprit, and you should see your doctor. If not, your skin is just oversensitive to your male hormones (we all have them) - and this is triggering the production of excess oil. Another possibility: a too-harsh cleansing routine (some of you have written to us saying you use rubbing alcohol to nix shine!). Many derms believe that alcohol-based toners and gritty scrubs can overdry and irritate your skin and make it produce extra oil to compensate, says Doris J. Day, M.D.
The fix: Your best bet is to regulate oil without overdrying your skin. So in the morning, wash your face with an oil-free lotion cleanser, then rub on an alcohol-free toner. (Try Cetaphil Daily Facial Cleanser for Normal to Oily Skin and Bath & Body Works Bio Face Oil-Control Facial Toner.) Top with the OTC oil-absorbing gel Clinac OC. Sop up shiny spots throughout the day with blotting papers. (Try Hard Candy Shiny Sheets.) Repeat your A.M. routine - minus the gel - before bed. If you continue to shine, ask your dermatologist about Retin-A Micro. Less irritating than regular Retin-A, this prescription cream was created to treat acne but has also been proven effective against oiliness.
12. What causes hand warts?
The human papilloma virus is responsible for warts - but to get them you have to be both genetically predisposed and in close contact with an infected person, says Doris J. Day, M.D.
The fix: With a clean nail file, gently slough off the top layers of your warts daily to remove dead skin, says Day. (Do not use this nail file for anything but wart removal.) Then rub on over-the-counter Occlusal HP - its highly concentrated salicylic acid dissolves warts. If warts remain after several months, consult your dermatologist about other remedies, including laser therapy and liquid nitrogen treatments. Despite treatment, however, warts can come back. A warning: Be careful when engaging in sexual activity - though it's unlikely, hand warts can spread to your (or your partner's) genitals.
VIRGIN MARY IN THE TREE STUPID CRIMINAL #981-103924031 ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Today is National Dog Day
An amazing likeness of the Virgin Mary formed into the bark of a
Scarborough tree in
Toronto,
Canada, has left residents wondering if their neighborhood has been
blessed. Christopher Moreau, 47, discovered the tree-bound Mary last
week. It was after work and Moreau had just opened a beer in his back
yard, when he noticed the familiar image of Virgin Mary, her arms
outstretched, in his neighbor's tree. He ran inside to tell his
mother-in-law about it and she was so overwhelmed she started to
cry...she had just been notified that her lymph node cancer had
disappeared. While he hopes the tree won't be mobbed, he believes the
tree could possibly help those who are ill or in need of a miracle.
While the Catholic church generally doesn't play a role in investigating
or "authenticating" such claims to determine if they are in fact a sign
from God, the churck feels that if a vision causes the individual or
people seeing it to reflect on their faith then that's not a bad thing.
http://www.torontosun.com/News/TorontoAndGTA/2008/08/23/6546681-sun.html
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Four arrests were made Friday for possession of illegal drugs and
paraphernalia by the I-135/I-70 Drug Task Force, two of which were
unexpected. Lt. Jim Norton, commander of the task force, said officers
were serving warrants at a trailer home on Lot 18 on Friday. An agent
was stationed behind the trailer in question when officers knocked and
announced their presence. Apparently, the residents of Lot 17 thought
THEIR trailer was being raided, and started throwing packets of drugs
out the window, right at the feet of the stationed officer. Police then
arrested John M. Coburn, and Darin D. Gordon, both 18, for possession of
marijuana and drug paraphernalia. Occupants of the trailer that WAS the
trailer to be raided, were not home, but drugs were found and warrants
issued for the occupants arrest.
http://www.saljournal.com/Print/drugraid8-25-08
Here are the Ten Smartest Dogs
1 Border Collie
2 Poodle
3 German Shepherd
4 Golden Retriever
5 Doberman Pinscher
6 Shetland Sheepdog
7 Labrador Retriever
8 Papillon
9 Rottweiler
10 Australian Cattle Dog
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Top 10 Dog Friendliest Cities in the U.S.
1. Portland ME
2. Carmel / Monterey CA
3. Asheville / Blue Ridge NC
4. Key West FL
5. Charlottesville VA
6. Black Hills SD
7. Lake Tahoe CA/NV
8. Cape May NJ
9. Grand Canyon AZ
10. Hocking Hills OH
----
Top 10 Things the Guy You're Dating Wants to Tell You… But Doesn't
By Ron Schott
1) I hate your cat(s)/dog(s).
2) Seriously, I hate your freaking cat(s)/dog(s).
3) Yes your friend is hotter than you. No, I don't wish I was with her.
4) Remember when we said we wanted to be friends? I totally didn't.
5) I know your daddy told you that you were a little princess and you
had people who cleaned up after you in your sorority, but seriously you
need to stop leaving my towel on the floor.
6) Yes, those jeans make you look fat, but I'm OK with it because that
means I can have a night out at the bar without 40 guys staring at your
****.
7) It's OK that we sometimes watch chick flicks together, but if you
bring it up in front of my friends again I'm posting those pictures on
MySpace.
8) Sure I remember the first time we kissed… it's you who doesn't
because you were hammered and that's why our first kiss "happened" at a
park instead of the dingy basement of that party house in college.
9) Sometimes you're smarter than I am and it kind of scares me.
10) Of course I got rid of all my porn from the bathroom… and put it
under my bed.
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Green With Envy: Prius Owners Smile as Neighbors Fume
Prius Pompous?
Schmidt says she bought the Prius two years ago partly because of the huge potential savings on gasoline, but also because the car offered her a chance to be environmentally conscious.
"There can be some smugness on the part of the Prius owners because it's distinctive," says Michael Omotoso of the automotive-marketing-data giant J.D. Power and Associates. "It's 'Hey, look at me, I'm driving a hybrid!'"
Studies conducted by J.D. Power show that the typical hybrid purchaser is better educated and wealthier than the average car buyer. Furthering the exclusivity is the fact that available hybrids are hard to find.
Auto analysts say that in California, demand is so high that used Priuses go for close to what a new one would sell for. "Unless Toyota sends a lot more cars, we're going to see Prius wait lists spin out again to about six months," one Berkeley, Calif., Toyota dealer told HybridCars.com in June.
"I think that we Prius owners need a dating/whatever program, to hook us up with other Prius owners," says one poster on Priuschat.com.
He admits it's half a joke, but says it "stems from my inability to look at people with gas-burning cars as attractive."
"I do believe in global
warming, but the Prius isn't the answer," posts one commenter on the
popular tech blog Engadget. "Every time I look at a Prius, it only
reaffirms my belief that ultra-liberals and poorly educated science
environments are the world's greatest threats. GO HUG A TREE PRIUS
BUYERS!"
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Does Divorce Scar Kids for Life?
In part two of our two-part series, Should You Stay Together for the Kids?, we find out how kids really feel about divorce--40% of them strongly suspect that an affair was the reason! Plus, our expert reveals how a parents' divorce will affect a child's future relationships. Then, see our exclusive video of seven kids--from 6 to 19--who tell us what's really happening with them when parents split.
Yesterday, we told you about how parents feel about divorce...now it's the kids' turn. They say:
• Don't stay together for our sake.
63% of adults who were children of divorce said their parents should have gotten divorced.
• Divorce = affair.
41% believe an affair was the reason for their parents' divorce, although only 20% were actually told that for sure.
• Just because I'm grown doesn't mean I'm over it.
53% say they are still extremely traumatized, significantly upset, or upset about their parents' split. While 1 out of 3 children of divorce (32%) still "have trouble accepting" or "can't accept" the divorce.
• Your divorce will affect my future marriage, and make me settle and compromise.
More than 1 out of 3 adults (35%) who were children of divorce say they accept things that they think are wrong in their own marriages because they don't want their kids to experience divorce.
Family therapist Dr. Shannon Fox weighs in on our survey results:
"I found it particularly interesting that one out of three adults who were children of divorce say they accept things that they think are wrong in their own marriages because they don't want their kids to experience divorce," she says. "Children of divorce are less likely to marry and more likely to divorce if they do. 35% of these children of divorce are doing their best to protect their children from the pain of divorce. "
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Tween Bikini Wax: What?!
First, we told you about the latest tween beauty trend: hair coloring. Then, we reported that tweens were spending millions on beauty products. Now, they're going in for bikini waxes at 8 years old.
Are moms just protecting their little girls or encouraging them to be supermodels? MSN reports.
Aesthetician Melanie Engle is used to waxing her clients, but when one mom came in and asked for her 8-year-old daughter to get a bikini wax, Engle flipped. It wasn't as if the girl was developing early, it was simply "the mother's obsession with wanting the daughter to be perfect." MSN reports that it is not at all uncommon for mothers around the U.S to take their tween (girls 10-12) to salons to get body hair removed: "12 years old is the new normal." Engle said. On one hand, we understand for certain moms to take their kids for waxing if they are being teased at school: "One 10-year-old had thick hair coming down her leg, and she had a bikini and leg wax because she couldn't go to camp like that without getting teased," says Nance Mitchell, owner of a Beverly Hills salon. Engle however, has a different story, explaining that moms are sometimes overcritical of their kids. She bears moms comments like "look at those blackheads, you need to have a facial."
Should girls be taught THIS early to focus on how they look, makeup and money--instead of what's really important? Should young girls be allowed to wax?
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New Teen Trend: Elf Ears
Listen up moms: The next
big teen trend might be "elf ears."
T
here was a time way back when the worst
thing a teen could do was get her ears pierced maybe even (gasp!) multiple
times. That's so old school--and each generation must up the ante when it comes
to shocking their parents.
The latest shocking trend? Ear sculpting! Why is this bizarre practice getting
so popular? According to Dr. Lajos Nagy, a New York plastic surgeon:
"Sculpted ears not only enhance the attractiveness of the face, but also
improve the experience of listening to music." Maybe the doctor needs to
buy himself some Bose speakers.
Whatever the reason, the surgical procedure has been slowly catching on with
the young and daring. Body modification artist Russ Foxx has been sculpting ears for years
and will only perform the operation on 18-year-olds or older, according to
Shaughnessy Keely, a rep from his piercing shop, The Fall. "He'll do
a few sessions and he'll sculpt your ear and make it pointy."
Put more graphically, elf ears are created by slicing the top of the cartilage
on the ear and then sewing it back together. Hmm, suddenly "tramp
stamps" aren't looking that bad.
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5 Things Super-Happy Couples Do Every Day
1. Make Time to Connect.
Happily married couples typically say their relationships work better when they can sit down and gab one-on-one, like thinking, feeling adults. But who's got time for that?
2. Remind each other that you're sexy.
Back when you were 14 years old, you probably figured that once you got married, you'd have sex just about every day. (Well, maybe teenage girls don't think that way. But let me tell you, 14-year-old boys sure do.) And why not? Sex is free. It's fun. And it doesn't require the purchase of any equipment, besides the occasional bottle of vegetable oil and about 20 feet of nylon rope.
But as they get older, most couples realize that having sex every night isn't possible, let alone a worthy goal. Indeed, a 1994 University of Chicago survey of Americans' sexual habits found that only about a third of adults have sex more than once a week. Granted, that number might have been higher if all the couples having sex more frequently had stopped to take the surveyor's phone call, but clearly, sex for most married couples is far from a daily reality.
3. Share a guilty pleasure.
Eavesdrop on a conversation between Bob and Angie concerning their favorite shared pastime.
"We are so disgusting. This is so pathetic. It's like a sickness." "But it makes us happy!"
"It's so stupid it makes us laugh." "We're yelling at people. High-fiving each other."
"Look, we get a kick out of it because it's so ridiculous. It's our guilty pleasure."
Forgive them if they seem somewhat shy, but they're merely ashamed to admit that the daily ritual that brings such joy to their 12-year marriage is none other than reality TV. That's right. They lived and died with Survivor. They've adopted Big Brother. Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? They do.
4. Enrich yourselves - as individuals.
"You know that old saying, 'How can I miss you if you don't go away?'" Tessina asks. "Doing things separately gives you a chance to fill in the blanks that your partner can't fill in for you, for example, one of you likes classical music, the other one likes sports. Plus, taking a break from each other gives you more things to talk about, because when you're joined at the hip, what's to talk about? You've already seen it all."
The point, naturally, is not to make space for each other in that I-can't-wait-to-get-away-from-you sort of way but to pursue your own hobbies and interests. It's a distinction that Joe tried hard to make to Lori during their delicate pre-engagement negotiations four years ago.
5. Get spiritual together.
In another University of Chicago survey, this one of married couples, 75 percent of the Americans who pray with their spouses reported that their marriages are "very happy" (compared to 57 percent of those who don't). Those who pray together are also more likely to say they respect each other, discuss their marriage together, and — stop the presses — rate their spouses as skilled lovers.
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Uh oh -- you said THAT at work?
If commit an embarrassing gaffe at work, have no fear -- there are ways to recover gracefully. Here are three tips how:
Tip No. 1: Confess your wrongdoing
If you commit an obvious faux pas, like Davis' mispronunciation, including a typo in a presentation or accidentally sending a raunchy e-mail to your entire company, there's not much you can do but admit you messed up and go from there. Talking about your error too much could make the situation worse, so it's best to correct your mistake and move on.
Tip No. 2: Make the most of the situation
If you're caught making reproachful comments about a co-worker or boss, like Krawitz, take advantage of the opportunity to finally voice your concerns. Apologize for the way he or she found out about your grievances but use the moment to have an open discussion about why it might be difficult to work together. You could end up turning a negative situation into a positive one.
Tip No. 3: Don't take your gaffe too seriously
Nothing soothes the pain of an embarrassing situation
better than laughing about it. If you can laugh at yourself (and your
mistakes), like Giberson, it's likely other people can too.
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Most Sung-About Body Part? The Eyes Have It
Visual artists Fernanda Viégas and Martin Wattenberg analyzed over 10,000 songs to find out which parts of the human body were mentioned the most and broke down the resulting data by genre. The result: An interactive graphic work called "Listen" that correlates musical genres with the body parts they mention the most, as part of their ongoing Fleshmap project. Clicking on each genre brings up a more detailed representation of its chief bodily concerns.
"Listen investigates the relationship between language and the body," reads one sentence of the project's manifesto. "Verbal manifestations of human physicality in music, poetry and religion are distilled to their basic elements." By presenting those elements in such an intuitive way, Viégas and Wattenberg bring data to life graphically, so that it can be grasped in seconds.
So, what do the results tell us? Across all of the categories, the eyes are most frequently mentioned body part (Hall & Oates, "Private Eyes"), with the exceptions of hip hop, which places a firm emphasis on the posterior ( Sir Mix a Lot, "Baby Got Back") and blues (Louisiana Red, "Keep Your Hands Off My Woman") and gospel music (The Gospel, "Put Your Hands Together"), which are respectively focused on the keeping off of one's hands and the clapping or raising of one's hands.
As for the genre that talks about body parts the most, hip hop takes the honors with more references than any other genre. Meanwhile, gospel refers to the body the least. There are plenty of other data points to peruse. It's nice to know that 23.64 percent of hip hop songs refer to the behind, while 11.83 percent of rock songs talk about eyes.
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What to do if you're dating a mama's boy
(The Frisky) -- When your relationship is full of drama created by his mama, the road to romance can feel like a traffic jam -- with her in the driver's seat.
Puzzled as to why when he's around his mother, your man acts more like a boy?
Debra Mandel, Ph.D., author of "Dump That Chump: From Doormat to Diva in Only Nine Steps-- A Guide to Getting Over Mr. Wrong", answers this and some additional commonly-asked questions concerning men who aren't yet ready to make someone other than mama number one in their lives.
QUESTION: What causes a man to be a mama's boy?
Dr. Mandel: Guys who have always been coddled and indulged by their moms often become "mama's boys." Moms who do this tend to be fairly needy (especially when it comes to male attention) and therefore seek to create a relationship in which someone will be very dependent upon her. As the son of this type of mother grows up, he often fears that his mom will fall apart if he so much as moves to the neighboring zip code. So, it becomes a mutually parasitic relationship; both mom and son are afraid to be independent of each other.
In essence, your guy has become his mom's pseudo-husband, and consciously or unconsciously, he likes the importance of this role. Of course, this makes it hard for him to commit to another woman -- namely, you.
Q: What's the difference between a man having a "healthy" attachment to his mother and an "unhealthy" one?
Dr. Mandel: While you might find it odd that he's calling or even visiting his mother daily, the frequency of contact a guy has with his mom doesn't determine how healthy or unhealthy his attachment is to her. What does, however, is the quality of the contact. If both mom and son have mutual respect for one another and have set good boundaries with each other (if he's able to say "Thanks but no thanks for the new underwear you bought me, Ma. I am 34, you know...", for example), their talking everyday may not be something worth your concern.
On the other hand, while mom and son may not see or talk to one another very often, if he can't make a decision in his life without her approval or validation, that's a sign of a seriously unhealthy attachment.
Q: When evaluating the health of a guy's relationship with his mom, what do you recommend a woman look for?
Dr. Mandel: A guy with a healthy relationship with his mother can say "no" to her, make choices and decisions on his own, have an intimate relationship with a woman without fearing his mom will be jealous or intrude in his relationship, and likes it when mom is busy and enjoying her own life with or without a spouse. If he still takes his laundry over to mom to have her do it, or has her cook weekly meals for him (and he doesn't have the flu), run!
Q: Is it ever wise to confront his mother directly?
Dr. Mandel: If you and he are just beginning to develop a relationship, I wouldn't advise taking on his mother. She'd probably end up creating a wedge in your relationship and then he'd likely feel forced to choose between the two of you. And because you're the new girl in town...well, I don't think I have to tell you whom he'd choose!
If you've been together for a while and you're serious about one another, however, if she's intrusive or disrespectful of you or your relationship, it might be time to invite her to lunch for a little chat. I'd keep it rather casual, so as to not be threatening. An opening might be, "I get the sense that it's hard for you to let your son really become his own person. I wish you wouldn't feel like you're losing him to me, but that you're just developing a new relationship with him that also includes me."
A warning: don't do this without your boyfriend's support. Otherwise, mom will likely go back to him and read him the riot act for allowing you to tell her how to perform her motherly duties, which only give her reason to paint you out as the bad gal.
Q: Can a "mama's boy" ever be rehabilitated? At what time do you think a woman dating a mama's boy should give up the chance of this ever happening?
Dr. Mandel: A mama's boy can most definitely be rehabilitated, but only if he's willing to acknowledge that his relationship with his mom is unhealthy and needs to be restructured. If you've tried multiple approaches to help him see the light, yet he continues to tell you to let it go or not butt in, then it's time to end it.
In general, the younger your guy, the more slack you can cut him when it comes to cutting the cord. As long as he's at least taking baby steps as he gets older, the less time and energy you should spend worrying if it will ever happen -- it will, it just may take a little time. Try to approach it with empathy and a sense of humor -- exhibiting these qualities tends to be the most effective when you want a man to change his behavior. Being angry, demanding, pushy, aggressive or judgmental will probably send him right back into the arms of someone who's never that way with him, and you know just who that is!
