The 8 Dumbest Products for Lazy Bastards

Why burden yourself with simple actions to execute easy tasks? These 8 items allow you to accomplish the mundane with minimal strain.

8- Electric Scissors

Watch out arthritis, there's a new kid on the block and he's looking to knock you on your ****! That's right, that slight squeezing motion that goes into operating the complicated contraption that is a pair of scissors no more. Now you can hold down a lever and allow technology to take that hefty load off your shoulders. But really, where's the joy in using a coupon for 15% off tube socks when you put absolutely no effort into it? And half the joy of cutting out an obituary of someone you always disliked and hanging it on the fridge will be gone. Saving the minimal wrist strain of scissors isn't worth a loss like that.

7- The Extendable Fork

Do you ever find yourself really hungry but too fat to actually reach the plate of meatloaf? Well you're in luck, because the creators of the extendable fork have you covered. No more of this reaching for the potatoes or asking someone to pass you the sausage. And let's be honest, if you're someone that this product appeals to you never had anyone there to pass you that sausage in the first place. But now this telescoping fork allows the most slothful to sit back in lazy boys and comfortably scoop up wads of food off the coffee table without worrying about the fact that the TV dinner tray won't fit over their tummies. Reach those rolls without losing yours!

6- The Car Bib

Ok, so maybe this one isn't the laziest of products. I mean it does necessitate you multitask by driving and eating at the same time, which honestly you should do as often as possible. Why not save time eating your meals during your commute? What makes this product extremely lazy is that it allows you to act like a complete slob without worrying about looking like it. It even has a handy fry holder on the front of the bib! Now that is a time saver. But perhaps the best feature of this glorified apron is that they advertise it having a unique shape that directs spills to the floor for "easy cleanup." Certainly Car Bib, keep that food off my Whitesnake tee shirt but create a garbage heap at my brake pedal.

5- The Segway

We all know them. We all laugh at people on them. We all secretly wish we had them so our feet never tread upon the filthy sidewalk again. They're Segways, and they make walking a thing of the past. These moving podiums are so convenient that you don't even have to drive the damn things. Do you have the ability to lean slightly in different directions? Congratulations, you just graduated from Segway driving school! Now you are free to make me feel uncomfortable as you try to pass me on the sidewalk and then give me a dirty look as you talk on your blue tooth headset.

4- Smucker's Goober Combo and Crustables

Smuckers is bravely going where few in the PB&J industry would dare to go by forging a new frontier as far as lazy food products go. The peanut butter and jelly sandwich is the quintessential lazy man's food. All you need is bread, two jars, a knife and no culinary skill. However, Smucker's being the enterprising company it is notice a flaw in that system. Two jars? Who has time to use two different jars of substances to make a sandwich? They wisely cornered the sluggish market by coming peanut butter and jelly into one, awful looking jar. But Smucker's wouldn't stop there. They took the idea to an all new level by introducing Crustables: pre-made PB&J sandwiches with the crusts already cut off. All we need is for mustmayostardayonnaise to become a reality and our every sandwich desire will have been filled.

3- The Vibro Power Belt

Lazy people face a dilemma when it comes to losing weight. They gain it because they are too lazy to do any physical exercise and then that same laziness prevents them from doing anything to shed the extra poundage. Luckily they turn to the most reliable place for proper exercise information: TV infomercials! The Vibro Power Belt allows you to strap a pad around your belly, push a button, and get back on the couch before the next episode of The People's Court starts. But do vibrations actually do anything to shape your flab into chiseled abs? Of course not, which is why the company got sued.

2- Pre-Peeled Packaged Hardboiled Eggs

Alright, let's break this one down a step at a time. You know that old saying "I'm so bad at cooking I can barely boil water?" Well apparently this product took people saying that quite literally, because it saves you the task of boiling water and dropping eggs into it. More than just that, it also saves you that monumental task of peeling the eggs. Give your pampered fingertips a rest and let a factory worker do your peeling for you. And finally they come conveniently packaged like the most disgusting bag of candy ever. Though I'm sure some people think it is an eggscellent idea. You thought you were gonna get out of this without an egg pun didn't you? No such luck.

1- The GoDogGo Fetch Machine

Dogs are great pets, but really, who has the time to actually play with them and help them stay active? That's why the GoDogGo Fetch Machine is such a brilliant invention. It allows you to play fetch with your dog without the one thing you don't want to involve: yourself! The machine launches balls for your dog to catch and they are expected to bring the balls back and drop them in the bucket. Sounds easy. Unless you've actually played fetch with most dogs that is. How often do they quickly and willingly just drop the ball at your feet? Not too often. But even for its flaws the invention is worth it. It takes less effort than getting Lycos to fetch something. Just don't be surprised when your dog is more excited to see a bucket than his owner.