Lower the lights. Talk in a whisper. Shroud yourself in black (or a yellow jumpsuit--more on that later). Now is the time to act. Welcome to The Day of the Ninja. This is no mere talking like a pirate. Not even close. Today, you ARE a Ninja.

As you embark on your new Ninja adventure, I, your beloved sensei, will provide a simple FAQ to help ensure you live through the day.

Can a ninja really wear a yellow leather jumpsuit?

Yes, but only female ninjas who fight to the beat of ultra cool music. It also helps if a large portion of the jumpsuit is covered in the blood of your enemies.

What do Ninjas eat?

Ninjas eat whatever they want to, but your sensei recommends ordering out from Ninja Burger. Ninja Burger Make sure to tip well.

Where can I find some other Ninjas to, you know, to hang out and play cards with?

You will not be able to find good Ninjas. They lurk in the shadows. They do not make a sound. If poor Ninjas will do, you can usually find a few at Vons.

You mentioned lurking. How should I lurk?

Lurk. That' s a weird word. Lurk. Lurk. Lurk. Ha ha. While you read that I stole your burger. THAT' S how you lurk.

Will I be a Ninja if I can snatch a pebble from your hand?

No, that' s a monk. You will be a Ninja when you put a yard of steel in my back while I' m standing around holding a pebble. But that will never happen, for my steel is already tickling the back of your neck.

Where should I go if I have more Ninja questions?

I thought you would be dead by now, but since you still seem to breathe, try Ask A Ninja

Brought to you by Ninja Burger, Askaninja.com, the letter N, the number Death, and 40 billion ninjas. Okay, not really. I stole that. But that' s what we do.

www.elder5.com